How to Accept That Your Child is Homosexual or Bisexual

Finding out that your son or daughter is gay, lesbian or bisexual can come as a shock. It's important to understand and accept.

[edit] Steps

  1. Talk to your child. Be proud that he or she trusted you enough to tell you, because today's society is not always accepting. Have an open dialogue where you can both ask questions and share concerns. Remember, your child probably feels a little confused and very nervous also. Focus on being non-judgemental, rather than accusatory, even if the subject makes you uncomfortable.
  2. Remember that this is just who your son or daughter is, and whether you believe they were born like that or not, you still want your child to feel comfortable enough to feel that they can be true to themselves around you.
  3. Make an effort to learn about homosexuality so you can better understand your child's thoughts and feelings. This will also give you something to talk about.
  4. if your child has a partner then maybe sit down with the both of them and talk together and maybe this will help you understand your child's sexuality.
  5. If you have trouble accepting your child's sexuality, consider joining a group geared towards parents where you can talk to your peers about your feelings. Talking to a counselor is another option.
  6. Become an advocate to family and friends. If you present your child with shame or belittle him/her, your family may echo your attitude. Foster acceptance by showing your family and friends you respect and understand your child. Even acting like you accept something can be a positive step toward opening your mind and true acceptance.
  7. Be calm. Don't get angry or tell them that what they have "decided/accepted" is wrong or suggest that it's just a fad and will go away. Remember that your child may be frightened to tell you, or get the feeling that you would disown them.


[edit] Tips

  • Although it may be hard at first, realize that your son or daughter is the same person that they always were and this is just another part of them.
  • If your religious beliefs discourage certain aspects of homosexuality, discuss with your child what this will mean for them. Prepare them for any discrimination they could face within your religious community, and let them know about any lifestyle choices they will be expected to make (this could include chastity, not making their homosexuality publicly known, etc depending on your religious beliefs). Understand that this may cause them to leave a faith.
  • Your child knows better than anyone else who they want and are attracted to. Even if your child comes out late in life, does not fit the stereotypes that you have in mind for people who are LGBT, or had apparent kid-crushes on the opposite sex when they were younger, this does not mean that your child is actually strictly heterosexual, and refusing to take their word for it on their identity may damage the relationship you have with them permanently.
  • Realize that your child has been through an incredible struggle. Concealing homosexuality and facing prejudice can both be extremely difficult, especially in high school. Be aware of the suffering they have experienced, and be proud and supportive of their ability to accept themselves.
  • Consider that even though you may think your child's feelings or actions are "wrong", they are as natural to him or her as it is for you to feel attracted to or to love your partner. How would you feel if someone told you holding your partner's hand in public or spending time with him/her was unacceptable or worse?
  • If you believe that your child "chooses" the lifestyle he/she is living, and could just as well choose a heterosexual lifestyle, ask yourself: Who would voluntarily choose a life marked by fear of discovery, discrimination, and isolation by classmates, friends, colleagues, and family? Would you choose to live in circumstances that made your life a lot more difficult and keep it that way just for the heck of it? Do you still think they would if they could just as well be easily accepted by you and their environment? Did you "choose" to be straight?


[edit] Warnings

  • Making your son or daughter feel ashamed, even unintentionally, could ruin your relationship forever.
  • Don't try to change your child's sexuality because it's not going to happen. Accept them for who they are.
  • Don't berate your child about the dangers that homosexual and bisexual people face in society due to discrimination. Your child probably already knows first-hand at least some of this discrimination, and by berating your child about it, you are only going to make them feel worse.
  • Don't kick them out, or use hateful words against them, this also could ruin your relationship with them forever.


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Categories:Raising Children | LGBT

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