You have nieces and/or nephews, and you're dying to show them your world! You want them to think of you as the "cool," fun Aunt or Uncle, but you don't want to undermine your brother or sister's parenting. How do you walk that fine line to give the kids the aunt or uncle they want and need, but also make sure you are welcome to do so when you ask their parents if you can take them someplace for the day?

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[edit] Steps

Talk with the parents. Many problems can be avoided by simply telling the children's parents of your plans - run it by them first. Tell them what you have planned, and let them approve or make adjustments. This way, there are no surprises and no need to apologize later.
Be flexible. Let's say you're going to ComiCon in San Diego, starting on Wednesday and returning on Sunday. You want your brother to put his kids on the Amtrack train and send them to you on Saturday morning, and then you want to have the day at the Con, spend the night at your hotel, and play again on Sunday - then you will drive everyone home Sunday night. But your brother tells you that the older of the two kids has summer school on Monday, so a late night arrival home won't be good. No problem - ask - do not just decide - ask your brother what time he'd want the kids home. Calculate how long it will take to drive them home and get there on time, and promise to do so. But once you promise, do not fail to keep that promise to your brother. You want to show him that you are trustworthy and he can count on you to realize that fun is fun, but the responsibilities of parenthood must be respected.
Understand that putting children in your care requires the parents to trust you. Deserve it. If you constantly promise to have the kids home by 7 but don't arrive till 9:30, it's the parents who will suffer with sleepy, grouchy children in the morning, not you. And your sibling is likely to view this with more indulgence than his or her spouse - do not try the patience of your in-law. The kids are your blood relatives, yes, but they are someone else's children, not yours. If you expect to have the access to the kids that you want, you will have to toe the parents' line. Believe it - you can easily earn so much more trust by by being consistent and dependable than you will ever be able to rebuild if you blow it.
Share stuff that is age-appropriate. The wisdom, experience and knowledge that you share with your nephews and nieces needs to be appropriate. You might share some dating advice with your 16 year old niece, but do it out of earshot of her 9 year old sister. To the 9-year old, that's "yucky."
Do some things one on one. You never want to appear to favor one over the other. Ever. But you do want to get to know each child as him or herself, without the influence, or the suppressing instinct that is present in a group. Just driving to the store or school with one child or the other from time to time (be sure to alternate)can give you enough time to get to know a lot about each kid. And if you want to take an older child to a concert with you, feel free - but then prepare to take the younger one to Chuck E. Cheese on a different day. And yes - you have to get into the ball pen if you do.
Don't feel like everything has to revolve around "special events". And don't feel like everything has to be a slumber party (overnighter) or an all day affair. Just showing up occasionally and helping out with homework, then taking the kids for a Slurpee or ice cream after is fun. You want to become part of the fabric of their lives - not just the rock star that blows in once every six months. That may be cool, but it doesn't help with the relationships - the kids will be adorable strangers to you, and the parents will resent the fact that you are the one taking them to all the big events.
Be around. Come or call often. Don't wait for "a reason" - the reason is that you love these kids. Text them if they have cell phones - just "hey kid, tnkg of ya - lv u." is fine. When they get this while with their friends or their folks, all around will say, "Aw, that's a good auntie." and the kid will feel super special because you cared enough to send it. Ask your sib how s/he feels about you just dropping over from time to time - call first and talk to the parent, to make sure it's not a hassled, horrible day.
Help the parents as you are able. As the kids get older, getting them to their various activities gets hairier and hairier. If you live nearby, knowing that Nick has football on Wednesday afternoons while Josh has karate at the same time can give you the chance to be a hero. Ask your sister if you can go pick up Nick for her, leaving her free to go get Josh. And next time, switch it up - you go get Josh, and she goes to Nick. The kids get a wonderful surprise, "That's my aunt! My aunt came to get me! Auntie, this is my friend, Ryan, and Caleb, and Jacob, and Matthew and..." you get the picture. You're a hero to the kid, and your sister gets a much-needed reprieve! It's a huge win for everyone if you're able to do this.
Stand ready to put on a show. If you have a special skill, it's virtually guaranteed that you will be pressed into service with that skill eventually - if the kids are in Scouts, you may be asked, for instance, if you could do a presentation for the Scout troop on How To Make a Living As... (fill in your profession). Now, it definitely helps if you understand the age group - let's pretend it's a group of very rowdy 9 year olds. And let's say you're an Artist. If you go in there and just talk at them, they are going to be bored in 10 minutes, and you're going to be frustrated because they won't listen. But -- if you use PowerPoint or Word to make some Visual Aids - you have the makings of a fun, educational evening, and again, the chance to be your nephew or niece's hero. Make some printouts of cartoons, Van Gogh paintings, sculptures to illustrate a fine art career. Show them printouts of the Simpsons, Mickey Mouse, for cartoon illustration, and pictures of the Coca-Cola logo for advertising and design. Ask them if they know what the pictures are before you start talking. Get them involved - you may be surprised at how much they know! And better yet - take a bunch of comics with you! Buy some cheap ones at your local shop. When you show a picture and some kid blurts out, "Oh, that's the Starry Night!" you toss a comic book at him. Woo hoo! Free for all! Now you really have their attention. The kids are learning while having fun - and your nephew has the coolest aunt or uncle ever.
Never undermine the parents' authority. If you know the parents have strict rules that their kids do not go to R-rated movies, do not take your 14 year old nephew and 15 year old niece to see one - not unless you first clear it with their folks. You want to reinforce parental teaching, not give the kids a blueprint as to how to skate around it. Instead, do useful things when you disagree with some parental rule. Enlighten your niece or nephew as to the mindset of the parents. It's okay for you to explain why you disagree, to a point, as long as you also remind them that you respect their right to their opinion. Explain why you believe they have these rules, and what the kid might do to encourage the parents to relax them - or help the kid to cope with them, if you don't believe they will ever relax.
Always keep your promises. If you cannot promise confidently, do not promise. Nothing is more uncool than making a promise to a kid that you later forget - it's a guarantee the kid will not forget that. And nothing alienates a parent faster than promising you will do something and then reneging. They feel their children's pain more than they feel their own pain, and if you disappoint their kids, the parents will take steps to protect the kids from you next time.