Still angry and obsessed with the affairs and all it brings to the table? In order to move on in your life, you must decide to forgive, even though you won't ever forget.

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[edit] Steps

Make a list of questions you want to know about the affair. Be very selective in your questions, as this should be a one to two time conversation.
Pick a quiet, calm time and a peaceful sound proof place in order to have your discussion. You should stick to the questions until they are answered. Don't jump around issues that may come from a single question.
Write down the answers, and repeat them back to your mate. Paraphrase the answers to prove you understand what is being said. Remain calm, because you want to know the truth,
Don't go crazy during the conversation. Remember the purpose is to forgive and have closure over the situation.
Weigh your options, and your sensitivity level. If you stay, you are not allowed to revisit it after a set amount of months no matter what. You and your mate pick a date, say a few months from now, when you are no longer allowed to bring it up.
When your mind starts to drift to images or anything that sparks a hot anger, take a deep breath, relax, and let it go.
Do not have an affair yourself, no matter what. You'll feel much worse. Eventually, you'll have to confess and be no better than your mate.
Let it go, or it may damage your health, and purge your life of happiness.
Forgive.

[edit] Tips

Find a hobby to keep you busy. It's a good idea to do something with your mate in order to rebuild trust. Tell the truth about ever little thing, or your mate will revisit your anger over and over again. If you cannot forgive with a clear and complete renewed heart, you are destined to allow the waves of emotion, anger, resentment to come into your life again.

[edit] Warnings

Don't make a decision to leave rashly. Weigh your future with and without this person, especially if there are kids involved. Measure how much information he or she is willing to share about the affair. Don't be pushy for information because that may cause the spouse to pull back. Before going into any relationship, have your boundaries set about what you will and won't deal with. Stick to them, instead of stretching them. If you stretch, you won't be happy with yourself.