How to Get Your Stuff Back After Splitting up

You've still got my stuff..
You've still got my stuff..

Everyone leaves things at their partner's house sometimes. Some of us leave everything. It's not about presents and love tokens, it's about the things they borrow; the camcorder, the sat nav unit, the irreplaceable vinyl, your wallet. Here are some steps you can take before loosing your cool.

[edit] Steps

  1. Consider your relationship after the break-up. Are you speaking? Are there any unresolved feelings? Will you likely get back together in a month's time?
  2. Identify issues that may prevent the return of your property. We are most interested in personal anger/hate, trust, honesty and need.
  3. Create a list of things that were borrowed, which are undoubtedly yours, and which you wish to have safely returned. Are there any items which may result in a disagreement?
  4. Create a list of property YOU have which your ex may like to have returned.
  5. Choose a method of contact that will not offend your ex. Decide on a method that is likely to be noticed, don't write a letter if you think it may be torn up. Remember that they may not want to answer your calls while they get over you.
  6. Contact your ex, express your honest feelings about the breakup, offer your time to resolve any differences or issues, and ask for a moment when you could collect some of your things that you have left at their place.
  7. Was your call taken? Did you get a reply (if the contact was written?) If not, wait as long as you can, (but not too long, especially if the return of your property is urgent), and politely request some attention to resolve your property concerns. Contact people who are in regular contact with your ex, and ask for them to make an approach for you.
  8. Still no joy? Use all the numbers and email addresses you have for your ex. Send a text message offering to help make a clean break. Say you only want items that you absolutely need, and then you'll be out of their hair. Ask for no more than the return of your clear property.
  9. If your ex ignores you still, make contact (by text/letter/email/answerphone), mention that legal help is available for couples that can't agree on property issues. Offer to go to arbitration (informal or formal) to resolve the outstanding property issues. State that you need your stuff and are still interested in a companionable solution to the problem.
  10. If your ex refuses your requests or ignores you further, try asking a lawyer/solicitor to send a letter to your ex setting out your legal claim to your goods.
  11. If necessary you can claim in a family/small claims court.


[edit] Tips

  • Always put property issues in context, there may be urgent unresolved trust, sexual or openness issues that prevent your ex from addressing your concerns.


[edit] Warnings

  • Don't contact your ex more than you have to. Nobody likes a blizzard of messages, especially from someone with whom all feelings are sensitive.


[edit] Things You'll Need

  • An ex
  • Missing property
  • A friendly and open manner.


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Categories:Breaking Up

Authors

james_uk, Ben Rubenstein, Sondra C, Flickety, Anonymous, Horses4Ever, Bo, $ternhe, Ally F, General Jackson
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