How to Handle Broken Agreements
An important relationship skill is learning how to handle a situation where we have or have needed to break an agreement, or if others break an agreement with us.
[edit] Steps
- Apologize and acknowledge it and be prepared to explain why you broke the agreement to all of those concerned.
- Make a new agreement and make sure you stick to it or others will begin to think you are not very reliable.
- Communicate what is true for you, without blaming yourself or others. You may feel sad about not having kept an agreement or scared about the consequences of your breaking the agreement - own up and apologize.
- Apologies and explanations may make you feel better in the short term, but in the long term, they don’t address the broken agreement or its issues. It is important to deal with the issue and make a plan of steel to fulfill your part of the agreement and make sure others fulfill theirs.
- Accept other people's explanation for broken agreements graciously, but don't allow others to take advantage.
- Give others the benefit of the doubt and make a new agreement and expect them to come through this time and if they don't, be honest about how you feel.
- Refuse to put up with repeated lame excuses. This is the most important step of all. Look at why the agreement was broken and deal with it fairly but firmly.
- Take responsibility for the broken agreement, letting go of excuses, justifications, and defences. Ask yourself, "Did you succeed in communicating the relevant facts when you made the agreement? Did you get all the relevant information you needed from the other party involved? When you made the agreement, did you intend to keep it - did they?"
- Listen to the responses and feelings from others - hear them out. Allow others to have their feelings and to express them. Don’t try to control people’s feelings. If you have broken an agreement, others may be angry at you. Allow them to express their anger. If you are communicating your feelings to others about an agreement they have broken, they may also be angry. Listen without taking their anger too personally.
- Decide what can be done to address the consequences. If something was broken, or costs were incurred, make an agreement about what needs to be done. If it is something you can agree on then make an agreement to keep the agreement.
[edit] Tips
- Be honest. If you made a mistake or forgot some relevant piece of information, own up. And remember, never having to say you are sorry is a dream. Say what you mean and mean what you say - but calmly.
[edit] Warnings
- Avoid making agreements simply to please someone and then forget to carry through. This will only serve to damage your character and maybe your career. Not keeping agreements is a part of the pattern of self-sabotaging.










