How to Identify a False Friend
A false friend is someone who is not really your friend. They are the type of people who we sometimes accidentally become friends with. So, how do you identify them to prevent a friendship from starting?
[edit] Steps
- Notice how often a friend tries to embarrass you or make you look bad in front of anyone or everyone, espeically after you've told, asked, or begged them to stop. This can be a major sign that the person does not care for you as a friend but rather as a source of entertainment, at your expense, of course.
- Observe if the "friend" is mean to you or makes fun of you all the time. A mean friend may try to take advantage of you or possibly push you around. Keep in mind that some friends make fun of you in a joking way, while others do it to lower your self-esteem. Realize what they are doing, and find someone else who appreciates you.
- Notice how often a friend breaks promises that they make to you. Maybe your friend calls you up to see a movie, but then cancels your plans at the last minute, or even worse only a minute or two after making it. This can be a major sign that the person does not want your friendship but only your companionship, and only when they can get nobody better to fill that void.
- Notice how often someone's friendliness increases whenever they want you to do something for them, and diminishes whenever they don't want you to do something for them. For example, let's say you're going to have an awesome party next weekend. This person may start being nice to you and acting like your friend so you will invite them. Or they start being nice to you and then try to get you to do something you wouldn't ordinarily do. This is a major sign that they only want to pretend to be your friend as long as there is something you can do for them, but not be your friend if they can't get something specific for their efforts. Realize that some people will only be your friend if you do something for them. Try to be aware of the fact that this person probably does not want to be your friend, and find someone better to hang out with who actually likes you for who you are.
- Notice how often they ignore you: ignore what you say, ignore your presence, fail to introduce you when they're making introductions, they offer something to someone nearby but not to you, etc. Some people just like to talk about themselves and not care one bit about you. On the other hand, some people act super nice to you one day, but the next day they act as though they have no idea what-so-ever of who you are. What ever may be the case, you should think twice about being this person's friend if this is frequently occurring.
- Notice how often the person only behaves friendly to you when no other friends are around. This may mean that the person is talking to you out of boredom and does not actually want to be your friend. Also, if the person constantly leaves without warning or explanation, take this as a hint they do not want to be your friend.
- Notice how often a friend chews you out for making mistakes, or chews you out for bringing their mistakes to their attention but chews you out for making even little mistakes. Some people want to surround themselves with perfectly-behaving people so that they will be perceived as being better than they actually are. It doesn't work, but lots of people for some reason believe that it does.
- If you find yourself to be in any of the above situations very often at all, it might be time to start seeking other people to spend time with. If you find yourself to be in one or more of the above situations pretty frequeently, it is time to start spending time with other people.
[edit] Tips
- Don't just stop being friends at the first sign. It may be only a misunderstanding. Try starting afresh two or three times.
- Talk it over if it helps.
- True friends do not ignore each other.
- True friends say hi and 'bye on a very frequent basis.
- True friends will embarass you from time to time.
- True friends will not begrudge you for embarassing them from time to time.
- True friends often jokingly embarass each other on a regular basis.
- True friends do not let it get out of hand.
- True friends will do their best to overcome the mistakes that are brought to their attention without condemning anyone else for making the same kinds of mistakes or others.
[edit] Warnings
- The above "steps" are not a completely cut-and-dried method of smoking out a false friend if they occur infrequently enough or rarely. Sometimes it takes a very good and true friend to be the one to have the courage to find some way to embarass you in order to get you to do something good that you might not otherwise have the courage to do without his or her involvement. Sometimes good and true freinds break promises. Sometimes good and true freinds need you to do things for them, and they want to give you several reasons to think about doing it for them. Sometimes a true and good friend has a very good reason to ignore you or pretend you don't exist, or at least they think they do.
- Anyone who only behaves friendly when nobody else is available is not a true friend.
- Anyone who only behaves friendly when there is something they want you to do for them is not a true friend.
- Anyone who only sees you as a source of entertainment is not a true friend.
- Anyone who repeatedly tries to get you to do things that you believe to be wrong, is not a true friend.
- Anyone who tries to get you to do things that you just plain know to be wrong is not a true friend.
- Sometimes it is impossible to spend time with other people. In such cases, do your best to avoid treating anybody else in a similar fashion. Do your best to be a true true friends with as many people as you can.










